goodbye 24, 45, 59

it takes a good friend to say you've got your head up your ass.
it takes a good friend to meet you in the park in the dark.
it takes an enemy to help you get out of bed.
it takes your lover to leave you to feel loneliness.

i feel kind of overwhelmed by the next 2 weeks. i feel alone and lonely. i feel like cold toes and fingers are my reality for the next 4 months. i feel angry at these reoccurring headaches. and the sleepless nights, and the alarm-less mornings. i feel apathetic about relationships. i feel like there aren't enough hours in a day or enough days in a week. i wonder where my year went and what my final paper topic for film will be. i miss people i shouldn't. don't miss people i should. i feel like my toe nails grow ridiculously fast compared to my hair and eyelashes. i feel like i should be old enough to like fruit and vegetables. i feel like something is missing but no one is saying anything about it. i feel grateful and great-full and everything and all things and everyone and everywhere. and i miss my self proclaimed second home.

but most of all,

what i really wanna do is dance.
i wanna dance. i wanna dance. i wanna dance. i wanna dance.

i wanna dance.