Thursday, May 13, 2010

drive well sleep carefully

my computer goes into automatic sleep mode in 4 minutes.
i am done lying in bed. i'm restless yet exhausted but for the past 3 nights it's been the same story.
if i leave my door open, the ticking of the clock in the living room beats on the offbeat of my ticking clock in my bedroom and i feel trapped between two distinctly different worlds. how many other clocks are there on my block alone, ticking? if we added them all together would they produce a constant sound, similar to a buzz of sorts? similar to the static of the universe? to channel 116 on my television?

i feel overly stimulated yet lacking creativity. that isn't fair. with insomnia comes strokes of genius. comes guitar chords and progressions and lyrics and melodies. or poems or stories. instead all i feel is a vast amount of nothing and slight contempt at how content i am laying still and silent with absolutely no pay off. this isn't the way it's supposed to go.

i have 2 minutes. i have nothing of importance to say yet i feel i should be saying something. the methodical ticking soothes me in ways i am not exactly ready for. i feel like a shark on it's back. this isn't the way insomnia is supposed to work. instead of creativity, i am getting sick. i'm exhausted and lethargic and i don't get why i can't just sleep anymore.

everything smells a different way too. my shampoo, lemons, garlic bread. i left my ipod on for the past 2 days. it's been playing my top rated playlist for 2 days and i haven't even felt like listening to it... but the subtle clicking sounds tells me it's working. the hard drive inside is spinning yet the lack of sound is counter-intuitive.

apparently my computer gives me a 10 minute warning before it shuts down. usually i'm asleep for this part. i feel top heavy, yet sleep isn't coming. i knew i shouldn't have rearranged my pillows.

8 minutes 13 seconds.

silence. stillness.

7 minutes and 17 seconds.

where did the last 66 seconds of my life even go? sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

6 minutes and 25 seconds.

your sunsets are amazing this time of year.

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