where [i'm] at.

1. school is tiring me out. i feel burnt out already and it' s not even october. from papers to classes from rehearsals to readings... i don't know why, but this year is by far the most exhausting so far.
   
2. i'm battling a cold that doesn't know what it wants to do. i wake up one morning with no voice and then by the end of the day i'm fine. i get sniffles but then 5 hours later i feel fit as a fiddle. either i'm sick, or healthy. i can't do both at different times during the day.
3. music has eaten my life again. i lovelovelove meeting people who inspire me to do something.
4. i'm so not looking for a relationship, but i wouldn't mind reverting back to that kind of cute-ship i had going on last summer. i just want to be held a little. that's pretty much all i'm going for. also, rando-makeout hasn't called me yet. this is good news.
5. i'm having a hard time with the concept of moving lately. my dad has been making such a huge effort to be in my life lately, which makes me sad and weirds me out and then makes me even more sad because i feel weirded out by the idea that someone loves me unconditionally no matter how many times i fuck up... and then i think about when my parents die and if i move i'll have missed out on so much time with them and i know i'll hate myself. but at the same time, staying here when i belong there makes me feel like i'm the rope in a tug of war between two things i love so incredibly much. and it's ripping me apart.
6. i want to be wreckless for a bit. this includes certain things like drugs and alcohol. and maybe flings with guys i don't know. (no sex, sex is not cool with me at all right now). please don't judge me. i'm going through a rockstar phase and need some destruction in amidst all my positivity.
7. tomorrow i am spending my afternoon in my teashoppe by myself with some coconut black. i like being alone a lot lately.
8. i love my best friends. and i thank them every day for being there for me always. friday night was a good night.
9. at this very moment, i want to get married and have someone to make food for. don't ask why or how long this moment will last because it won't. but right now, i want someone to come home to.
10. i feel like an artist again, and i am so incredibly glad to be this way.