i'm in the middle of a forced personality adjustment, and it's really weird to actually be engaging myself in self change instead of having it thrust upon me with birthdays and crisis. i wonder how long my enthusiasm will last this time. hopefully longer than the last one.
don't hate me.
(i started tanning yesterday.... ) i'm trying to figure out if that stupid dumb girly stuff i hated so much growing up will actually make me feel better about myself. as much as i try to feel pretty and worthwhile, i usually don't. (shh, that's a secret)
i fully realize that the majority of my life was wasted fighting causes against things that i didn't have to rebel against. i'm sorry that i spent so much energy on things that didn't matter. it's like i have to be a total exception to the rule of gender or expectations, but it's so much easier and relaxing just allowing life to happen to you. actually, reading that last sentence over doesn't sound so good. whatever. the point i'm trying to make, horribly may i add, is that i'm tired of trying to fight everything. i'm finished with my battles of attempting to be so different from other people. it's not me, it never was.
i just want to enjoy taking care of someone, being myself and even cooking.
this is such a scattered entry.
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3 comments:
crises (plural).
why fight your personality if you're tired of fighting things? i'm sure who you are isn't too terrible. tanning = skin cancer.
i'm not terrible, i'm just difficult.
also, i'm going to die of cancer anyways, might as well pick the one that will allow me to not burn the second i go camping this summer.
skin cancer is sexier than having a hole put in your esophagus, anyways.
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