So, my computer is out of service, I rely on the upstairs computer for my daily updates of scrabulous and people not contacting me... but that's ok.
Since the great crash of '07, I have done a lot of productive things. Mostly spend money and mess up my room, but I have started tackling some of the stacks and stacks of paper laying around waiting for me to organize them. I feel lighter.
I've also done a lot of thinking. Mostly about the state of my life and about myself as a person... I think I'm going to go back into counseling. Mostly just because of the underlying problems regarding relationships and sex... I still am absolutely terrified of being close to someone, or having them touch me. Not to mention I think my mental capacity regarding relationships is that of a 13 year old. I really don't want to be that person who is completely fucked up because something bad happened to them 17 years ago and now they have no ability to love or feel. That's just not cool with me.
I wouldn't mind getting some external love, (external in the sense that it's not coming from my family) I just need to stop being such an idiot-baby-face about it when it happens. I chase off good ones by doing that.
In other news, I am scared of the telephone. So if you get an abnormal amount of text messages while my computer is in limbo, it's just because I feel awkward calling people.
I have been reading lots too. I can't believe it took me so long to realize how amazing Coupland is. I'm going to buy every single one of his books. 2 down, lots to go.
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