all at once.

you know when you get too busy to really stop, think and process things that have happened, lists you've made, chores you've forgotten, people you've lost touch with, garbage that hasn't been taken out, dishes that haven't been washed, laundry you forgot to fold, milk you didn't drink before the expiry and so on?

it's all catching up with me now.

i've slept less than 3 hours in the last day, i'm not packed, i feel lost and unfocused, my cat is dead, i'm alone metaphorically and literally, i actually miss my mom more than anything, i'm an adult, i don't know what i'm doing at all right now, i can't fold clothes properly, i'm lonely and i miss my cat.

i don't want to be a responsible adult. i want to be a kid, getting in trouble for not eating dinner and playing barbies. when the fuck did this whole growing up and worrying about money and bills and everything else under the sun happen? i want to veto this whole pre life crisis and be settled. i don't like not knowing what the hell i should be doing at a certain time. and the past week has been full of "OH FUCK WHAT THE HELL DO I DO" moments.

i need a pause button and a box of beer.