i wish you would

come pick me up, take me out, fuck me up, steal my records,
screw all my friends behind my back with a smile on your face and then do it again.
i wish you would.

today was a weird day. i feel weird, i don't like feeling weird.
i want to read the glass menagerie and cry. i want to shed this momentary inferiority complex right now and get back to being happy like i was 2 days ago. mood swings are dumb.

it's odd how i didn't know how stressed i was, even odder how long it took to manifest inside me as a bug that makes me want to cry instead of puke. i feel hopeless for no reason at all, i'm in a good place. i've got the work done, i've done the time, i've put in the hours, sweat and now tears yet i'm so scared it won't be good enough.

in all honesty, my biggest fear is that i will never be good enough. for love, for work, for entertainment, for friendship. how do you just assume that something you do will be enough for someone? how do you even measure that in any sort of quantifiable way? my whole degree is basically a subtle way of training someone to think that they are enough, yet i don't feel like i'm enough.

i want to be funnier, wittier, quicker on the uptake, better looking... i want to know that i'm enough for you just by smiling and being around whenever you want me to. i want to know that i can be confident without fear of being rejected because why wouldn't someone want to be with me?

usually i'm really good at this logic but today i just feel like i'm an ant stuck under a magnifying glass and i don't like it.

"this is the night, what it does to you. i had nothing to offer anyone but my own confusion"

if i could change space and time, i'd be curled up in your arms right now, and you'd be telling me that i'm more than enough for anyone.