we do some strange things.

I guess lately I've been studying the effect of weather, lack of sleep and general apathy on myself.
I'm pretty much out of tune with the world right now.

There's a difference between wanting change and being comfortably numb.
I've found a sort of home inside a bubble that cuts me off from friends and family. Maybe that's why I like being sick. People stay the usual 5ft back without me having to provoke them. Maybe my natural lack of immune system is just a protective barrier, I make myself sick subconsciously to save me the effort of really trying to achieve some sort of relationship with anyone that transcends space and time.

I really haven't put much effort into seeing my friends lately. If I can't talk to them from behind a screen, I guess I don't talk to them at all. The consequence of that, however, is that I need to be touched more than I ever have. A hand on my shoulder, a graze of the elbows, the prodding of a finger, the arms of a stranger.

I just need to be held so tight that I don't feel like I'm spinning away with the rotation of the earth. I just need something constant.

"she was 44 years old or so, she told me. she'd been working for a man who pays her $20 just to hold her. i found that very sad, very sad"