silver sole.

it's well above normal in the temperature department.
tomorrow i could actually tan if i wanted to, however i enjoy having pale skin all year round so i'm going to not do that.

just promise me we will see a thunderstorm at some point?
that's all i really want right now.

or a sunset at the end of the world.
maybe tomorrow.

voluntary blindness from staring straight into the sun.

it's around this time of year, season, semester where i get flashes of leaving everything behind in pursuit of solitary travels, oceans, rocks with barnacles on them, food i never consider trying, people i always want to talk to but never end up getting brave enough to, etc etc.

that or drinking to the point of absolute stupidity.

as i sit amongst a rather heavy feast of knowledge and research surrounding me at every single angle, i don't feel like doing anything. i could pick a paper topic that i was absolutely passionate about yet when the time came to write it, i couldn't give a good god damn about it.

that's where i'm at now.

my life is an endless cycle of repetition and i'm sick of going through the same motions every day. i'm sick of having the same fights every fight and i'm honestly so incredibly tired of having my future predicted onto me by my family.

on top of this sense of caged possibilities due to school work i have no interest in doing, it's fucking windy. not just breezy, but gusting so that you can't breathe windy. it's allergy season and instead of rain i got snow. instead of rain i got wind. trees are budding in vancouver and i got snow.

i'm being a big stupid baby today and i'm sick of always having it come down to this.

11439 ++

sand, sun, salt, sunsets.




because march is essentially over, in 5 months,
i'll be allowed back to the place of sand, sun, salt and sunsets.

did you ever want something so badly?

i'll take care of you.

when i was in high school, i fantasized about losing my virginity in a dusty room with sun streaked air while listening to fractal pattern. i remember writing a pseudo-poem about how it would feel, what it would look like and who it would be with.

what feels like years and years and centuries later, i have very much the same feeling running through my veins with beach house's new album. more specifically "silver soul". that song is just the right kind of sensual and moves me right back into a dusty room with sunlight pouring through a window. milk crates tossed on the floor that are supposed to be housing records. my fantasies and thoughts ruin my life in ways. i want someone who can somewhat understand my irrational love of music, which, more specifically would entail finding random songs "sultry" enough to want to have sex to them. this kind of stuff doesn't happen with a random person. it's been a long while since someone understood this particularly idiotic side of me and went along with it.

dear los campesinos!... it's not that romance is boring... we just haven't found people who do it right yet.

wanting like veruca

i feel panicked and nauseous inside and i can't put my finger on it.
in every single daydream i ever had about my life in the future.... i never though i'd end up stuck this way.

i don't think i'm going to come home tonight.

i want to get to know you, better.

the past few days of the past few weeks have felt like a blur to me.
i can hardly remember specifics and time passes faster and faster.

we are 4 days away from opening night,
i am 4 days away from a midterm i haven't studied for yet,
i am very excited for the run of the show to start.

so much time, effort, energy and dedication have been put into this show. it's starting to come together and i'm getting anxious to show it off.

and i would really like to go out for coffee and learn about what makes you, you.
if i had that as well, life would be pretty damn good right now.

fuck you, damien rice.

i want to be the only person on the planet for one day.
like i am legend, but without the whacked out zombie mutant human things.
i want to get rained on and feel soaked to the bone.

and even though i'm trying, i'm getting nothing in this place.


NEXT.