catharthritis

deal.
deal breakers.

on the one side:

• kind of like you
• kind of need sleep
• want vanilla chai
• have clean sheets
• am generally excited
• music

other:

• liking you is dumb
• so so tired
• diagnosed with apathy
• haircut needs to happen
• would rather sleep
• so much work
• can't visualize
• can't plan
• can't stick to plans
• fear or something
• no energy
  

coming down with a little cold i think. my body is backwards and inside out.
i feel very sad about being a human being lately. it's something i can't describe, but i just want to cry when i think about people as a society. it's the most ridiculous/emotional/nonsensical thing ever, but i'm just feeling weird about life on this planet. and words. and how people have mothers and fathers. or friends. or siblings. the music people like, that i don't like. and how i don't like their music sometimes. and how tim horton's means more to me symbolically than the canadian flag. and how patriotism is so stupid in the first place. and how much i love the ocean. and how much i love my family. and how far away my family is from the ocean. and how much i don't want to grow up. and how much i'm afraid of growing up. and how when i'm stressed out, everything becomes a big deal that isn't a big deal. and i feel isolated and alone. and i hate that. and i love starting sentences with and even though it's a major faux passe. i'm kind of a headcase but i hope you can love that about me. because i think a lot. only because i love things a lot. and i miss things when they are gone. and change is hard.

I NEED A VACATION TO SOMEPLACE WARM OR SOMETHING.

brain needs off switch. i want salad.