Keep Breathing.

1:45 am:

drink, drank, drunk
hardlines, softlines edged lines and blurry lines.
card games for hours, laughing to cover the feeling of sickness.
2 days to the hardest days and the hardest days forever.

i'm sick of a lot of things. christmas is not good this year. i'm heartbroken and drunk and stammering about how things were so much simpler when i was 6 and able to fit into anyones arms.
now i am too fat and too awkward to even hold someone's hand.

the stereo tells me that all i can do is keep breathing but i want so badly to just sleep forever and ever and ever under the softness of my blankets and the safety of my dreams.

the people i love more than anything are the people i need to lose. they make me feel worse. they make me feel guilty because i have so much anger in the holes of my heart that will never heal.

let it be known on the record that breakdown number two happened days before i knew it. the aftershocks are just ripping me apart now.