a little thunder's good.

vanilla extract in the milk before adding the cream of wheat was a fantastic idea.
it's a rainy monday but it's my sunday so i'm enjoying a lazy sunday in my room... which i haven't been in much if at all this weekend. i like not sleeping alone.

today is a coffee day, a guitar day and possibly a baking day.

i'm smiling hard at life right now.
high five.

drunk girls

don't always have the patience of saints.
i want it nowwwwwww.

drinking on beaches, skinny dipping at 3 in the morning,
frigid canadian waters.
the way the sun sets in the summer
sun dogs, dueling rainbows.
driveway star gazing.
peach flavoured.
the hair grows like the hair grows. (faster please)
falsetto. fucking and falsetto. not again...
piles of things. why always piles?
countdown to lists and count downs.
iceland, i love you.
everything will change, oooh oooh.
la la la <3
among other things.

i don't really know what you're waiting for.

the tallest man on earth...

the cutest girl in a rain storm.

we ain't seen the sun in years, my friend.
what do you think this is? 49° 15' 0" North, 123° 8' 0" West? wrong.
wrong, wrong, wrong.

4 dollars can buy you all the memories you never made, places you've never been and people you've never known. it's the creation behind the faces of strangers, buildings and cars that counts. how many souls have you stolen? running counts mean nothing, it's final.

this out of tune piano is begging to be sung to, a warble and a whisper and clean, soft fingers. i want to play you, touch you, soft to start yet harder still. to drown out the drone of the television with a major and minor chord and damper pedal. i wish you were closer to me, you echo too much in the emptiness of the living room.

my chai tea keeps me locked to this chair, but soon i must venture out into the world and rain.
lists have been written and destiny has been handed to me.
it's grocery day.

wait up

being marginally employed has perks and downfalls.

one of the perks is an unimaginable amount of free time. one of the downfalls is an unimaginable amount of free time. another is a lack of consistent income. oddly enough, i'm having more of an issue with the free time. i spent time at work today even though i wasn't working simply because i a) and nothing better to do and b) actually really enjoy being there.

i'm learning how to sew this month. i'm also trying to get band stuff organized and trying to figure out ways to make cd sleeves. i found a few things on the internet that would be real fun to make for our EP and since i have this abundance of time, i really hope to get myself to the reuse centre and dig around for cool looking things we can craft.

i'm honestly so excited about band potential right now. i think we're at the right amount of dedication to finally get ourselves in gear. i've been thinking about this lack of work thing all wrong. i have 3 weeks to get my shit in gear. in this time before training, i hope to

1) get a trip to ikea going so i can cure my storage issues. my closet is a disaster that needs to be remedied.
2) sew myself an article of clothing. from scratch. this will be huge
3) do all my own alterations on dresses and shirts that are begging for fix me ups.
4) do another all out purge in my room, i need to get rid of some of my stuff.
5) make "proto-types" for EPs.
6) finish recopying all my lyrics/poems/song ideas that are shoved into binders from scraps of papers and notebooks so that i look like i have some sense of control over my intellectual property.

no more bored! i have tons to do and more often than not, it requires insane amounts of creativity. i'm so excited about my creative life i can barely think about sleep. again.

this is good

somewhere between sensual and drunk.
that's the best place to be, i reckon.

so much is going on in my whirlwind of a little life i can barely keep up.
i want to write a book about it. which no one will read.

i want to go swimming with all my clothes on.
i want another bottle of wine and a surplus of short videos about friends and family.
i want to cuddle.
i want to get caught in the rain, alone, so i can dance with no one watching.
i want someone else to change my guitar strings, because i'm really not looking forward to that.
and i'd really like to be on a greyhound bus that is almost just about to get to jasper, which will then get to blue river at 2 am (pacific time), which means it will get to kamloops at around 5 am, which means i will fall asleep and wake up to the coquihalla highway.

i'm all a flutter lately, and i'm very much looking forward to the next week and all it's wonderful events and outings. rararararararah!

(cross our hearts and hope to die, swear by stars that light the night... and i can't help but feel like this is good)

drive well sleep carefully

my computer goes into automatic sleep mode in 4 minutes.
i am done lying in bed. i'm restless yet exhausted but for the past 3 nights it's been the same story.
if i leave my door open, the ticking of the clock in the living room beats on the offbeat of my ticking clock in my bedroom and i feel trapped between two distinctly different worlds. how many other clocks are there on my block alone, ticking? if we added them all together would they produce a constant sound, similar to a buzz of sorts? similar to the static of the universe? to channel 116 on my television?

i feel overly stimulated yet lacking creativity. that isn't fair. with insomnia comes strokes of genius. comes guitar chords and progressions and lyrics and melodies. or poems or stories. instead all i feel is a vast amount of nothing and slight contempt at how content i am laying still and silent with absolutely no pay off. this isn't the way it's supposed to go.

i have 2 minutes. i have nothing of importance to say yet i feel i should be saying something. the methodical ticking soothes me in ways i am not exactly ready for. i feel like a shark on it's back. this isn't the way insomnia is supposed to work. instead of creativity, i am getting sick. i'm exhausted and lethargic and i don't get why i can't just sleep anymore.

everything smells a different way too. my shampoo, lemons, garlic bread. i left my ipod on for the past 2 days. it's been playing my top rated playlist for 2 days and i haven't even felt like listening to it... but the subtle clicking sounds tells me it's working. the hard drive inside is spinning yet the lack of sound is counter-intuitive.

apparently my computer gives me a 10 minute warning before it shuts down. usually i'm asleep for this part. i feel top heavy, yet sleep isn't coming. i knew i shouldn't have rearranged my pillows.

8 minutes 13 seconds.

silence. stillness.

7 minutes and 17 seconds.

where did the last 66 seconds of my life even go? sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

6 minutes and 25 seconds.

your sunsets are amazing this time of year.

i wonder if my breathing sounds loud to these people?

i hate studying in areas with people because i'm incredibly distracted by noises everyone makes. usually, to solve this problem, i have ear plugs that i use... today i do not have these. however, when i do wear them all i can concentrate on is how loud my breathing is. then i start wondering if i sound as loud as i think i do to people around me and by this time my focus is non existant.

i want to go fly a kite.
right now.

plastic bag plastic bag plastic bag.